I Don't Want to Plan My Own Mother's Day
This time of year, most moms are eagerly anticipating bouquets of flowers and breakfasts in bed. A surprising number of modern moms though are ignoring the holiday as much as society will allow — why?
On social media and in quiet circles, some moms are daring to disrupt the tradition of Mother’s Day in their homes. There’s a variety of philosophical reasons behind the choice, but for many moms, it’s very simple:
They don’t want to plan their own special day.
It’s surprising but true — for most moms, Mother’s Day is just a day when they treat themselves and ask for a little extra help with the kids. For moms who are jaded by continuously having to plan for every other holiday and family event, they just assume to take the day off and let this one pass them by.
With the lifestyle of the modern mom being one of overwhelm and isolation 364 days a year, it’s no wonder some moms feel like Mother’s Day has become an elaborate pat on the back that they have to orchestrate.
Research shows that new parents get on average less than five hours of sleep per night during the first year of a baby’s life, with much of the burden of night wakings falling to breastfeeding mothers. Add that to the complete lack of maternity leave in the US and the fact that around 70% of mothers in the US work at least part-time, and you have a population that says a big fat ‘no thanks’ to making themselves breakfast in bed.
There are no longer generations of the family looking after children under the same roof, and long-distance family relationships are steadily becoming the norm as work and opportunity pull young mothers away from their own support systems.
The result is a woman who society expects more of than ever before, but has historically, never been less supportive of.
Ask any mom what she wants for Mother’s Day, and somewhere in that list is probably 20 minutes to herself. A shower. Sleeping in. Maybe a pedicure and some wine.
Overwhelmingly though, moms request self-care and personal space for Mother’s Day. They request the right to be their own person and to recharge.
And this is something, frankly, we think moms shouldn’t have to ask for.
Even in an era in which the stay-at-home dad’s presence is rapidly growing and there are more female CEOs than ever, social constructs still put an insane amount of day-to-day responsibility on the mother and portray dads as the ‘babysitters’ of the family.
In place of cards and flowers, what if we as a society decided we parent together? Moms and dads, equally immersed in the picture, mean that a hot shower and a good night’s sleep is NOT a special treat, that’s it’s the basic standard of care for someone you love in your home.
What if this level of care for mothers was the standard, and not what we did just one day a year?
Mother’s Day is a beautiful concept, but with the burden of actually putting on the production up to moms, we ask in exasperation, What’s the freaking point?
Why Some Moms Don’t Dig Mother’s Day
On social media and in quiet circles, some moms are daring to disrupt the tradition of Mother’s Day in their homes. There’s a variety of philosophical reasons behind the choice, but for many moms, it’s very simple:
They don’t want to plan their own special day.
It’s surprising but true — for most moms, Mother’s Day is just a day when they treat themselves and ask for a little extra help with the kids. For moms who are jaded by continuously having to plan for every other holiday and family event, they just assume to take the day off and let this one pass them by.
The Isolation of the Modern Mom
With the lifestyle of the modern mom being one of overwhelm and isolation 364 days a year, it’s no wonder some moms feel like Mother’s Day has become an elaborate pat on the back that they have to orchestrate.
Research shows that new parents get on average less than five hours of sleep per night during the first year of a baby’s life, with much of the burden of night wakings falling to breastfeeding mothers. Add that to the complete lack of maternity leave in the US and the fact that around 70% of mothers in the US work at least part-time, and you have a population that says a big fat ‘no thanks’ to making themselves breakfast in bed.
The Loss of the Village
In addition to the exhausting demands of modern parenting, it’s worth noting that the modern mom faces a loss of person-to-person connection that has been, in decades since, largely unheard of.There are no longer generations of the family looking after children under the same roof, and long-distance family relationships are steadily becoming the norm as work and opportunity pull young mothers away from their own support systems.
The result is a woman who society expects more of than ever before, but has historically, never been less supportive of.
Co-Parenting In Place of One Day of Bliss
Ask any mom what she wants for Mother’s Day, and somewhere in that list is probably 20 minutes to herself. A shower. Sleeping in. Maybe a pedicure and some wine.
Overwhelmingly though, moms request self-care and personal space for Mother’s Day. They request the right to be their own person and to recharge.
And this is something, frankly, we think moms shouldn’t have to ask for.
Even in an era in which the stay-at-home dad’s presence is rapidly growing and there are more female CEOs than ever, social constructs still put an insane amount of day-to-day responsibility on the mother and portray dads as the ‘babysitters’ of the family.
In place of cards and flowers, what if we as a society decided we parent together? Moms and dads, equally immersed in the picture, mean that a hot shower and a good night’s sleep is NOT a special treat, that’s it’s the basic standard of care for someone you love in your home.
What if this level of care for mothers was the standard, and not what we did just one day a year?
Mother’s Day is a beautiful concept, but with the burden of actually putting on the production up to moms, we ask in exasperation, What’s the freaking point?
